Friday, April 30, 2004

OTOFTC

WOW. I'll bet their Mommies and Daddies are proud of them.

I had just seen a report on these sluts on our local news last night (apparently, as we speak, there are two busloads of these "Service Women" trolling our town, spreading their mixture of disease and pleasure throughout the local military population).

And, seeing as we have not one, but TWO Naval bases in town, and an aircraft carrier getting set for deployment in about 5 weeks, is it any wonder our town is prominently mentioned on their website?

"The Jacksonville trip was a great success (see article). Thanks to Jane and Amy for all their help. We had a great 'combat effectiveness rate' of 22%, no MIA's, and everyone home safe. Bus ride back was a bit sad, because we had had such a good time. The girls gave me the nickname 'Sink', really CinC (Commander in Chief), and I think I like that, although we're all CinC of our own destiny."

Sassy McSmartpants also has something to say on this matter.....


Now playing: "I like the way you move" - Outkast

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Feelin' bootylicious...

Ok, aside from my feeling old (or maybe in spite of), I realized something: I'm having a "cute" day. You know, one of those days when clothes fit perfect, hair looks awesome, and I just feel... well... really damned cute! I don't know what it is... but every once in a while I just have "cute" days. And today is one of them.

So, since we (women) tend to be quite vocal about it when we're not feeling so cute (i.e. the ever-popular "fat" days and "bad hair" days), I figured I'd make a point of being loud-and-proud about my "cute" days.

Anyone else out there feeling particularly irresistible today?

Now playing: "My Band" - Eminem w/D-12

Reality bites

I've had a sobering week. The countdown to my 32nd birthday is upon us... In 13 days, I will be 32. To paraphrase Jessica Simpson, 32 is old, cus it's almost 35, which is almost my mid-30's.

To add to my feeling old, I learned the other day that my Mom has just gone through mental... er... menopause. Poof. Just like that. Why should this bother me you ask? Well, my Mom is young. Very young. Certainly not old enough to have a daughter who is about to turn 32. In truth, I guess I've always thought of her more like a sister or a friend, like we've grown up together. So for her to have reached the end of her "breeding" years frightens me. It means my clock is now ticking louder. It means my breeding years are coming to an end soon, too.

Apparently, this is upsetting me more than I realize, and is causing me to be a bit.. ahem... crabby. However, when (upon his inquiry) I attempted to explain this to Jeff, he just didn't understand (obviously I left out the bit about my biological clock ticking at 900 dB... no need to scare the poor lad). His response was basically a shrug, and a remark about his own mother's menopausal psychosis.

*sigh*

Now playing: "L.A. Woman" - The Doors

Those bastards!

Even with the bribe I sent them, I didn't make the list....

Grrrr.....

I'm not surprised by too many of the people who did make the list... with the exception of Alexandra and Theodora Richards - how is it possible that the offspring of KEITH RICHARDS made a 'most beautiful' list? WOW. Apparently their mother's genes were strong enough to override those of their corpse-like father.

Now playing: "Heart of Rock-n-Roll" - Huey Lewis and The News

Funny... I heard some snippet last week where this was (I believe) mentioned as one of the most annoying songs. Ever.

Gives new meaning to the term "Tree Huggers"

This story warms my heart. How kind and giving these young folks are, offering to pimp themselves out in order to save the rainforest.

Even more entertaining will be the potential justifications people will use for viewing their videos. I can see it now... a woman comes home from work, finds her husband staring at the computer screen as two young bodies writhe about, drenched in sweat, moans emanating from the little PC speakers. The man turns to face his wife, and says, "But honey, I'm doing my part to better the environment! I'm helping to rescue dolphins from tuna nets... I'm saving little harp seals from becoming fur coats... I'm stopping the deforestation of our rainforests!"

Now playing: "Start me up" - The Rolling Stones

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Ok, I'm not a HUGE sci-fi or fantasy nut...

...but I do love both "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy and the "Harry Potter" flicks. So I found this little bundle of fun, courtesy of Bad Money terribly, terribly funny.

Now playing: "Hotel California" - The Eagles

You can find ANYTHING on Ebay.....

A friend emailed this link to me.... I was laughing too hard to even finish reading the whole description/story, but so far, it's amazingly funny....

Size 12 Slightly Used Wedding Dress!

Now playing: "Lovin' Every Minute of It" - Loverboy

UPDATE: 4/29/04
The auction has now ended, and apparently the bids that drove the price up over the $15,000 mark were not 'validated.' However, it closed at $3,850 - so I think he'll get his wish, and be able to afford a couple tickets to see the Mariners (and maybe even a beer and a hot dog).

Homesick....

Reading this little Public Service Message for the state of California, courtesy of Erin over at Chix Mix has made me extraordinarily homesick.

*sigh*

Now playing: "Livin' on a Prayer" - *hack hack, cough cough" Bon Jovi

New poll!

Ok, so I said this would be a "Friday Frivolity" thing... I lied. What can I say, I'm bored today.

This week's poll was inspired by Big Dick's recollection of his best date ever. So get to it guys! Cast your vote!



P.S. I'm going to refrain from recapping the "Men's Underwear" poll results, seeing as we have an abundance of filthy pigs around here who are prone to .. ahem.. dangling about freely.

Now playing: "Cum on feel the noize" - Quiet Riot

As long as we're talking about my co-workers...

...and their grasp (or lack thereof) of the English language.

Frequently the conversations around here are peppered with non-words. By non-words, I mean these bastardizations of real words that are used so often they have almost become words themselves.

Some of my (non) favorites?

Illregardless
Irregardless
Supposably

As far as the written word goes, the incorrect usage of "their" vs. "there" and "hear" vs. "hear" abounds around here. Wasn't that stuff taught back in the 4th grade? Sheesh!

And for those of you who live in the South, as I do, I'm sure you're all-too-familiar with the use of "axe" in place of "ask."

So what are some of your favorite abuses of the English language?


Now playing: "Stairway to Heaven." Um, if I need to tell ya who it is, well... you need to climb out from under that rock you're living under. Needless to say, I've escaped soft rock hell.

BLAH BLAH BLAH

I've got the blahs today. Not the blues, but the milder, more-boring version, simply known as the blahs.

No particular reason for them. Just in a funk, I suppose. I have a serious case of the "don't wannas." I didn't wanna get outta bed, I didn't wanna come to work, and now that I'm here, I don't wanna be here. All I really "wanna" do is go back to bed, close the blinds and bury myself beneath the covers.

It would almost be better if I was actually depressed. But I'm not. I'm just... HERE, for lack of a better description.

Yuck.

Now playing: I don't know what the name of the song is, but it's some sort of a weepy ballad by one of those boy bands. Dammit, why am I still on this God-forsaken soft rock station? This MUSIC, if nothing else, will push me over the edge into a full-blown case of the blues.

Adults say the darndest things....

Ok, let me preface this by saying some of my co-workers are not the brightest bulbs on the tree. They're not actually stupid, but sometimes things come flying out of their mouths, and I just have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.

This morning's jewel?

"So I said to Bob, 'what am I? Chump liver?'"

Now playing: "Caribbean Queen" - Billy Ocean

(ICK! I was surfing the dial looking for a weather update, and somehow landed on the soft rock station....)

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Sometimes I feel like, somebody's watching meeeee.........

Obviously, my Blog wouldn't fall into anything worth tracking.... I suppose that makes mine a "soft" subject.

Personally, I think this is some CIA-Geeks attempt at getting paid for his favorite passtime. Some dude is sitting up in this little cubicle in DC, and his manager has been getting on his ass for slacking off at work, and Blogging. So he THINKS QUICK, and claims he's protecting national security! Yeah, yeah, that's it!


Now playing: "Friends" on the WB.

The Dating Game

Since so much of the blogosphere seems to be dominated by the trials and tribulations of the dating world (at least the blogs I read!), I have a question for you all today...(be prepared - it's an essay question, not multiple choice, so put your thinking caps on)....

Describe your best date ever. Maybe it was a first date, maybe it was a special occasion, or maybe it was something seemingly mundane to the outside world, but there was something special about it for you.

So do tell! Let's hear it!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, since the horny-toad (read: male) audience I have seems to be focusing on purely sexual events, let me clarify...

A DATE...
as in one where you picked up the woman at her residence (or vice-versa)... there was a meal involved, and hopefully some conversation. Sheesh!

Now playing: "Hey Ya" - Outkast

Monday, April 26, 2004

A little potty humor....

One of my co-workers showed me this article. She said she'd sent it to several friends, co-workers and customers. The women who read it ALL found it hysterically funny. But the men? Well, they didn't find near as much humor, to say the least.

Hurt in the line of Doody.

Now playing: "Crimson & Clover" - Tommy James & The Shondells

Only in Jacksonville...

Wow. Ya mean Alabama had their farewell concert and I missed it?

Of particular interest to me was this portion of the article:

Donna Gallagher was there, front and center, with her friend Melissa Brock. They came up in a limo from Bunnell, a tiny town in Flager County.

"When this is done we better have their sweat all over us," Brock said. She was giddy and excited, plus the partying had already begun hours before with an open bar in the limo.

At a $1,000 a hit, they hadn't done anything like this before.

"We're new money," said Gallagher, with a cackle. Her husband was hit by a dump truck and they received a hefty settlement, she said. So, they sat with their VIP passes around their necks and their husbands, not six feet under, but three rows in back of them.

"If you have the money," said Gallagher in a rich Southern twang, "might as well have fun with it."


Oh yeah. Lemme tell ya... if I got hit by a dumptruck, and got myself a hefty settlement, I sure as hell wouldn't blow a grand on Alabama concert tickets.

Now playing: "Maggie May" - Rod Stewart

An observation

Apparently I've got a herd of filthy pigs who read my blog, seeing as "Going commando" is the most popular vote on my little underwear poll over there.

Hmmph. Interesting.

I'm really hoping none of you gents (and I use the term loosely) who voted that way live in the deep south, cus this time of yeah, I'm thinking things would be getting kinda... ahem... funky.

Now playing: "Red Rubber Ball" - The Seekers

My cat hates you....

I have not yet had a chance to fully investigate this site, but the name alone had me in fits of laughter.

Please surf on by My Cat Hates You, and be sure to check out the galleries of pissy pussies.


Now playing: "Spirit in the Sky" - Norman Greenbaum

Party! Party! Party!

Well, following 5 months of planning, planning and more planning, the countdown to the Bachelorette party of the century is ON!

Two of my closest friends, Sam and Roy, are tying the knot in a few weeks. And literally, from the day they announced their wedding date, we (the bridesmaids) have been toiling away, plotting and planning the Bachelorette party. Initially, we planned a getaway weekend. The maid-of-honor wanted us to whisk Sam away to Vegas for a long weekend.... others thought a couple days in Orlando would be more (financially) feasible. However, when the Bride-to-be stated that she wished to stay in town, we had to go back to the drawing board.

Well, let me tell ya, "M" (the maid-of-honor) has done an amazing job of putting together an in-town girl's weekend...

Here's the agenda:

Saturday, May 1st, 2004
11:00 am: Meet for brunch
Noon: Proceed on to a luxurious day spa, where we already have services scheduled (manicures, peppermint pedicures, facials, etc...)
4:00 pm: Gather at oceanfront hotel, where we have two adjoining suits booked; change clothes (each party-goer has ordered a fitted camouflage tee-shirt, which has been embroidered with her nickname), prepare to go out and commence drinking
6:00 pm: Surprise "lingerie shower" (there is a regular shower the following weekend, but this way she won't suffer the embarrassment of unwrapping crotchless panties and glow-in-the-dark pasties in the presence of her Grandmother, etc....)
7:30 pm: Walk two blocks to Bride's favorite Mexican Restaurant for dinner
9:00 pm: Upon leaving restaurant, group will be picked up in 16-seat Humvee H2 limo (complete with hardwood floors, 2 fireplaces, 6 flat screen TVs, DVD/CD surround sound, etc....) and we will tool around town, acting like drunk, obnoxious fools for the next 6 hours, after which we will be dropped off at the afore-mentioned oceanfront hotel for the night (so there will be NO one attempting to drive home after drinking).

I have been asked (by the Bride) to keep an eye on her and make sure the maid-of-honor doesn't get her TOO blasted drunk (she said she wants to get drunk, but still would like to remember things in the morning). What can I say - "M" is a wild-woman, and if she had her way, we'd all wake up in Mexico or something.

I'm getting so excited!! This is going to be a blast (and you can be assured I will post pictures here!).

Now playing: "Young Girl" - Gary Puckett & Union Gap

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Gratuitous nudity...

We recently celebrated a couple of birthdays - Jeff's, as well as that of our close friend Roy. Most of our friends are quiet mild-mannered, bordering on shy, even on the rare occasions that you can get a couple of brews into them.

So imagine our surprise when, as the band struck up a rendition of "Old Time Rock-n-Roll" a few of our friends decided to climb onstage and drop trou for the crowd's amusement!

And imagine THEIR surprise when a strange woman decided to get up there and stuff dollar bills into our friend's tighty whiteys!


Now playing: "Michael Holligan's Your New Home"

Ok, let's try this again....

Once again, let me give credit where credit is due. Thanks to Dick for providing me with instructions on creating a photo blog, or at the very least, a spot on which I can publish my photos, and link to them from here. Yippeeee!!

That having been said, here's an introductory shot of the (usually) happy couple....

More to come later!

Now playing: I've got the windows open, the fans blowing full blast, and the cool jazz station cranked....

Where are you, Sarcastic (Former) Journalist?

Where are you hiding? Why am I getting an "Internal Error 500" when I click on my bookmark to your Blog? And the same error appears when I click you on other's Blogrolls (I've tried 4 different ones now!)

I'm crushed!! And concerned!!

Does anyone know where SJ has gone?

UPDATE: *phew!* I've located her. Not sure why I was having trouble yesterday, but I'm just relieved she's up and posting.


Now playing: "The Long Walk Home" on the WB.

Yippee!

I'm so excited!! I got my Blogroll working!! Wooo hoooo! Oh happy day! I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere, as far as making the blog "mine."

However, I'm still pretty much 'little girl lost' when it comes to HTML, so if anyone can advise me as to how to add other links to my right-hand column (i.e. I'm going to set up my photo blog, and I'd like to add an "email me" link) I would be so very appreciative.

Thanks to those who have emailed me with tips and advice. Your help is greatly appreciated.

Now playing: Actually, the house is silent right now. I was getting so frustrated trying to make sense of some of the HTML code, I turned off the TV just to be able to think.

Oh, Oh, Mr. Kotter!

On one of the blogs that I read regularly, I recently read a post where someone was looking for ideas for storing an apparently blossoming collection of pierced earrings. However, BRAIN FART. I can't recall who it was!

Ahem.

My humble apologies.

I just saw an interesting idea for this exact storage problem. So, if it was you (Sarah? Natalie? Rae? Serenity?), please let me know, and I'll shared the idea with you.


Now playing: Obviously, still watching the local news. And wondering why I thought I could live without cable (dammit, I miss Headline News, CNN and Fox News)

Football draft commentary

Ok, I'm going to make a brief comment about the NFL Draft picks. Very brief.

How come a guy who should have a reasonably awesome education under his belt cannot properly pronounce the word "contribute?"

Let's all say it together... con - trib - ute. Would you like audio? Here ya go...

This baffles me. No, on second thought, it pisses me off. I mean, hey, I'm thrilled for the guy that he had the opportunity to go to a wonderful school. And hey, I'm happy for him that he now has the opportunity to play for an NFL Team (even if it is our pathetic little Jaguars), but what the hell is wrong with this world that this man attended college, and yet somehow never managed to learn that the proper pronunciation is not in fact "kun - trib - boot."

Now playing: Just the local news.

Unconscious mutterings...

Ah, let's get the brain cells warmed up.

  1. Elastic:: Stretchy
  2. Intervention:: Drugs
  3. Risk:: Assessment
  4. Junk food:: French Fries
  5. Arrogance:: Aloof
  6. Responsibility:: Duty
  7. X:: XX
  8. Marshall:: Tucker
  9. Kill:: Bill
  10. Brother:: Bear


Why did I choose "Marshall Tucker" rather than the (at least minimally relevant in this century) "Marshall Mathers?"

Now playing: I'm actually watching one of those "All About Animals" shows, or something like that. The pathetic part is this: they just cited some statistic about what the Grey Wolf population is projected to be - in the year 2000!

Friday, April 23, 2004

Friday Fluff Feature

What can I say - I am inspired by Big Dick.

Thanks to the phallus grande, I have added a new feature, which will (in theory anyway) change each Friday. It is my distinct pleasure to introduce to you "The Blogpoll."

This week's edition is dedicated not only to the afore-mentioned Big Dick, but also to a certain flirty, free-ballin' co-worker of mine (not to worry, he doesn't read this blog, so he won't get a big head about it).

So please, cast your vote, and check back Friday for a full report and analysis of the results, as well as a new poll!

And if you've got a clever (or even totally non-sensical) idea for a future poll? Please feel free to comment or email me.


Now playing: Um, actually, I'm watching "Friends." No music at the moment.

"He's a bad man, afteraaaaallll... he's a bad man, afteraaaalllll.....

....he's a bad man aaaafteralllll, he's a bad, bad man!"

Ahem.

Sorry. Disneyland ride flashbacks.

So, as my parting thought for a Friday, I'd like to introduce to you a special friend of mine. Ok, who am I kidding, he's my ex-husband (seriously - no joke). His name is Matt, and he's a bad, bad man.

You might recall my earlier posts regarding his (mis)adventures with palmetto bugs. And since amusing (mis)adventures seem to be a constant thing with him, I encouraged him to create his own blog. While he only has one post for now, I would suggest you bookmark him, and stay tuned. I'm certain he'll prove to be quite entertaining!

Now playing: "Numb" - Linkin Park

And the "Idiot Pet-owner of the Week" award goes to.....

Ok, answer me this.... If the vet didn't even need to X-ray the dog to find out what the problem was, how come it took the dog not eating and coughing up blood to get the idiot owner to realize something was amiss? If the vet could HEAR the balls right off the bat (no pun intended), then why didn't the owner?

Sheesh. Some people just do not DESERVE the privilege of owning a pet.

Now playing: "Yeah" - Usher, Little John & Ludacris

Yikes. I'm still listening to this pop crap?

Men are a strange and wondrous species

What is it about men (some, not all) that compels them to announce when they are "going commando." Um, hello, McFly? I don't care! Well, actually, to be honest, I DO care - I would prefer that you DO wear supportive undergarments, and if you must go without, PLEASE don't tell me about it. The last thing I need is the mental image of your boys dangling about freely.

And if you're wearing khakis, Dockers or dress pants? I don't care how fucking hot and humid it is outside, you MUST, I repeat MUST wear underwear. No excuses. You're a disgusting, filthy pig if you don't, and you deserve that bit of prickly heat that will inevitably take up residence beneath your goodies.

Now playing: "My Immortal" - Evanescence

Do YOU dress to draw eyes to your cleavage?

I'll admit. Sometimes I do.

However, is it any wonder the 'net has a proliferation of personality tests? I mean, one can only blog so much... once in a while we must take a break to learn WHY we blog.

Now playing:Ick. Some lame Britney Spears song. A sad little ballad, actually. Who on EARTH changed my radio station?

Kids really DO say the darndest things.....

A couple weeks ago, a friend and I sat watching "Seabiscuit," whilst his son played his Gameboy. Then suddenly, during a race sequence, he looks up at the TV, pulls off his headphones, and exclaims "Daddy! He's humping him like a monkey!"

On a similar note, a co-worker told us recently of her 4-year-old son calling her 11-month-old daughter a "stinky ho" the other day.

However, Kelley and Spiderman's recent adventures in radio listening, titled "Beware the Airwaves" tops both of the above stories.


Now playing:"Date Rape" - Sublime

(I told ya - this song is enjoying new popularity!)

Say "NO!" to crack....

I think this is a terribly funny news story. What I hate is that parents AREN'T doing their jobs, and that it's reached the level where local government is feeling the need to step in and regulate what teens and young adults wear.

However, much as I tend to agree with the theory here, I think it's a ridiculous waste of money for the government to spend time worrying about g-strings and boxers peeking out above the waistline of pants. I mean, really... is this actually more important than fighting crime or improving education (especially considering this is happening in Louisiana, which, last I checked, was rated 49th in the nation for quality of education)?

Now playing: "The Remedy" - Jason Mraz

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Quote of the day....

Courtesy of (one of my favorite bloggers) Sassypants....

"...Trish's mannerisms completely convey that she thinks she shits crushed pineapple wrapped in rose petal and gold leaf."

That has to be, in all seriousness, one of the funniest, most descriptive sentences I have ever read. Please read her update on "The Bachelor" for more snarky humor.

Now playing: "(I hate) Everything about you" - Three Days Grace

Love hurts...

Yeah, yeah.

Now playing:"Cold heart bitch" - Jet

Heh. If only I was one, my life might be simpler.

Since I'm on this "now playing" kick....

The song listed below is probably on my Top 10 list of all-time favorite songs. Don't ask me why. I think it's the way such a serious and violent subject can be conveyed with such humor (and a jaunty beat!). Besides, how many songs can YOU list that mention the term "butt-rape?"

Uh-huh.... you're thinking. And you can't come up with any others.

So I'm finding it interesting that the local Alternative Rock station here has been playing this song (which is several years old) at least three times a day over the last couple weeks. And each time, I giggle and crank it up (much to the chagrin of my co-workers, who don't find quite as much excitement in this song).

So, here I am, giddily typing away, singing along.....

Now playing: "Date Rape" - Sublime

I got into Sassy's Pants

I'm now feeling the need to rent "Beauty and the Beast." I've always been a huge Disney fan, but for some reason, I never saw this film. However, seeing as I'm apparently "Belle," I should see what she's all about, right?

Thank you to Sarah for posting this... it gave me a giggle (which I needed today).

Now playing: "The Outsider" - Perfect Circle

Pure curiosity...

What are the etiquette rules surrounding a woman proposing to a man? Must she wait around for him to propose? If they've discussed marriage (and know that it is something they both want - together), is it acceptable for her to go ahead and pop the question? And would this in any manner hurt the man's ego, or 'threaten his masculinity' if the traditional roles were to be reversed?

And what would/should a woman present to the man in this situation? (in lieu of a traditional engagement ring).

Now playing: "Seven Nation Army" - The White Stripes

Editor's Note: Just to clarify, no, I was NOT referring to myself. Didn't mean to cause a panic.

And speaking of praying....

I did something new last night - I went to Church.

I've been speaking with a close friend about all the drama/trauma I'm going through. She also knows everything I've been going through and has been a wonderful shoulder to cry on, offering comfort more than advice. So she suggested that I attend service with her, in hopes that I might gain some clarity. And while my own issues have not yet become clearer, it did put things in perspective for me.

At the end of the service, everyone selected a 'prayer request' that had been left by another church-member on the previous Sunday. And upon reading the request I chose, and reading the one my friend had picked up, I realized how petty and insignificant my own troubles are. Sure, they seem all-consuming to me NOW, but I know, looking back a year from now, it'll all seem so very silly.


Now playing:Another Foo Fighters track. Can't recall the name of the song. Still amused to hear Taylor on the radio.

Conflicted

So as you've all gathered by now, there's trouble in paradise. Nee's lovelife is a mess. Things are kind of just in limbo right now. I've laid it all out on the table, and now I'm in this holding pattern while I wait for him to come clean about what has happened. I've GOT all the facts, I've presented him with them, and yet he still maintains his innocence.

I need to just walk away.

Now playing:"Darling Nikki" - Foo Fighters

I love hearing Foo Fighters on the radio. I've not always been the biggest fan of their music; I could take it or leave it. But seeing as I went to elementary and middle school with Taylor Hawkins, I get a small thrill hearing him on the radio. It's exciting that someone I knew as a child gas gone on to find great success.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

On a lighter note....

So the two hot commodities in our office (the new GM I blogged about before, and the flirt I mentioned in my last post) were hanging out in our department a few minutes ago, and someone posed this (admittedly lame) question - if you could be any man or woman on earth, other than yourself, who would it be?

All of the men in the office chimed in with an empathic, "Hugh Heffner."

The women were less decisive, however. The open lesbian said, "JAMIE LEE CURTIS!" I opted for Catherine Zeta Jones (which was met with enthusiastic approval from all of the men). One of the younger girls opted for Jennifer Lopez. An older one said Audrey Hepburn (which, in retrospect, should have been my choice).

What I found interesting was that we all went with fairly superficial choices - the women all picked another woman they found to be attractive. The men picked a man whom (in their eyes) women find irresistible. Not one of us opted for Einstein, Churchill, Patton or any of the other great thinkers of our time.

Sad, but true.


Now playing: "Egypt, Egypt" - Egyptian Lover

Yes, I've resorted to CDs, and opted for a "Kickin' it old school" compilation a friend burned for me. Cheesy, but tons of fun. I needed something to brighten my mood.

Flirting

So in the midst of my heartbreak, I've got one of the guys in another department flirting with me via email. It's all innocent (I've told him it would require a signed, notarized permission slip from his pregnant wife). He's one of those, "If he wasn't married, and I didn't have a boyfriend, I'd....." kinda guys. Terribly cute, but a bit too much of a flirt.

And yet somehow, in spite of what my jerk of an ex-boyfriend is doing to me right now, I'm feeling guilty about flirting with this guy. FLIRTING. Something that everyone does. Something that reminds us we've still 'got it.' I know full well I would never so much as touch this guy, and yet I'm feeling guilt over it.

I need to get my head checked. I also need to stop blogging and get some work done.

Now playing: "Night Moves" - Bob Seger

Yeah, I'm a little schizophrenic with the changing of radio stations today. Started out with pop, then went to the alternative rock station, and now I've settled on classic rock.

Bitter

I've never been one to say "Men are pigs," or "Men suck." No matter how bad things are, I've always been one to avoid making over-generalizations. I know not ALL men are bad - there are just as many bad women out there as there are bad men.

But I do find it amazing that you can know someone for a year, can feel that you know everything about them, can trust them implicitly, can open your life (and your heart) to them totally... and then find that it was nothing but a lie.

I don't understand how someone can claim to love you, and look you in the eye as they lie to you. And then add lie upon lie, until they've dug themselves in so deep, it seems there's no way they can dig themselves out.

Why would someone do this?

Now playing: "(There's) No one like you" - The Scorpions

Hah, 48 hours ago, I would have agreed with the sentiment of this song. Not anymore.

Spinning out of control

Why is it that just when things are sailing along fine, when all seems well with the world, when you feel you've actually met "the one," and you will live happily ever after, something happens that blows it all to pieces?


Now playing:"Bodies" - Drowning Pool

(hmmm, a fitting tune. I like angry music when I'm hurting).

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I'm trying something new....

Music is a big part of my life. HUGE, even. For some people, they enjoy music, but they're content to listen to whatever comes on the radio; these are the people you do not want on your team for a good round of "Trivial Pursuit," or any debate on popular culture. Non-music people just don't understand music people. They don't understand the necessity to have 4,000 CD's rattling around in their car (yes, I need to invest in an iPod); they just don't GET why the stereo is blaring at 60 dB whilst you do housework; they don't comprehend how you can concentrate on a difficult task while the radio blares away in your ear.

Music can influence my mood, and my mood can influence my choice in music.

I've come to realize that the music I am listening to undoubtedly affects my blogging. I find I blog better when I've got music on. When things are too quiet, I get easily distracted, and find it hard to complete thoughts.

So, I've decided to add a "Now Playing" remark to my posts, so that you, my darling reader, might understand a bit more about me, your devoted blogger.

Sadly, since I've been listening to the local pop radio station today, my first music post is a disappointing one.
Now playing: "Always on Time" - JaRule featuring Ashanti

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow's selections will be better.

I can see where this is headed....

So California may start requiring condom usage in porn productions? Excellent in theory, but it seems to me if the state MANDATES it, it'll merely force the industry to shift production to other states (i.e. Nevada or Florida).

I would think the industry would require this of ITSELF, and not leave it to the state to force them to do so.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Sad Irony

I read this with mixed emotions... at the offset, I found it to be a strange irony, in that the creator of the Atkin's Diet had died an obese man with heart disease. But in reading this article, I realized Jim Cantalupo was actually the one who spear-headed nutritional improvements at McDonald's.

Still, quite sad.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Unconscious Mutterings for Sunday, April 18th, 2004......

So what's on the slate for today?

  1. Virginia::Way
  2. Soft::firm
  3. Carol::Burnette
  4. Vanity::Appalonia
  5. Feminist::Gloria Steinem
  6. Alias::Jennifer Garner
  7. Coward::Yellow
  8. Beer::Burp
  9. Chance::Risk
  10. Honest::True


Ya know, I THOUGHT I had figured out a running them, but ...well... it's too early for me to be thinking too hard anyway.

(and though the rest of the them are fairly self-explanatory,Virginia Way is the name of the street I lived on as a child).

He's a Bernie, that's why!

Another tragic story in the morning news, but this one has a happy (well, happier) ending.

I must say, however, that I'm not surprised that this dog was able to survive. It IS, afterall, a Bernese Mountain Dog.

Morning news....

This story has gripped me from the beginning, so I was actually moved to tears when I heard about the discovery of Dru's body on the local morning news today. My heart goes out to her family, though at least now they can hopefully get some closure on this whole tragedy.

Though it's tragic when anyone, regardless of gender, age or status, is abducted and murdered, when you see the video clips and photos of Dru, it seems even more heart-breaking. To see how young, beautiful and spirited she was, to see how loved and adored she was my her friends and family, and to realize how much she had to look forward to, how much promise her future held.... it's a terrible, senseless loss. Very much like Laci Petersen.

On a slightly more vindictive note, I do hope they seek Federal Charges, so they can ask for the Death Penalty for Alfonso Rodriguez.

Friday, April 16, 2004

I'd better go stock up on videos before they become a rarity......

I must say I am amazed at the number of porn films these days that still do not show condom use..... WHY WHY WHY?? This disturbs me. How can you expect the general public to act sexually responsibly when the porn industry still portrays the 'free love' attitudes of the 1970's?

This quote, however, amused me...

"The positive tests have reverberated throughout the industry, sparking a mix of anxiety and indifference at movie sets, talent agencies and testing clinics."

Ahem, talent agencies? Dare I ask what sort of audition one goes through in order to be represented by such an agency?

"It's gettin' hot in herrrrreee......"

Sorry to make reference to that song (I know everyone who reads this will be cursing me hours later when that tune is still bobbling around in their brain). However, it seems appropriate considering the current frenzied state of my office.

Let me set the stage for you... our department consists of women. Lots of them. Twelve of us to be exact. That's about 11 too many as far as I'm concerned. I've typically worked with mostly men, so it took me some time to adjust to this excess of estrogen. In addition, our department is rather sequestered from the rest of the company - we call it The Bat Cave. Frequently it's very catty, bordering on hostile, but most of the time, the atmosphere up here is a lot of fun.

Now, seeing as we spend all day staring at each other, we all get a little tickled when a man comes cruising through our office... And if he's attractive? Heh. Everyone rolls out of their cubicles into the center of the office to catch the rear view as he passes.

Obviously we're a little starved for entertainment up here.

So about two weeks ago, we get an announcement from Corporate about a new G.M. starting. Everyone was expecting that he would resemble each of the previous G.M.'s we've had through here - Older man, large gut, grey/no hair, married with 14 children and 63 grand-children, yadda yadda yadda. We were wrong. SO wrong.

One morning as we all sat around BS'ing, catching up on "American Idol," and talking about our weekend plans, this man entered the office. He was a bit on the short side, but oh so super-fine. Black hair, brown eyes, perfect smile, tanned and BUILT. All fresh-faced and eager to get started!! In an instant, every woman in our department turned into a puddle of mush. We were speechless. He was a God. A living Adonis in khaki cargo pants.

Within an hour of his arrival, people were buzzing (and not solely in our department) - he's 37, he just moved here from Tennessee, and most importantly, he's single! While all of us 'attached' girls were content to simply lust, the singletons were on the prowl, and things were getting competitive pretty quickly. Suddenly I had calls from 3 separate women asking me to arrange an after-work "Happy Hour" so they could mingle with the new guy (apparently I've made a name for myself as the Social Butterfly around here... that, and I've got more balls than the average bear, so I would not be too bashful to invite Adonis out for a beer).

So here we are, two weeks later, and the excitement still hasn't faded. And I just don't get it! I mean, sure, I enjoy watching him walk by, and am appreciative of his chiseled bone structure, and flawlessly straight pearly white teeth. But really! Sheesh, I'd swear these girls are all in heat! Suddenly the skirts around here are shorter, the tops are lower cut and the heels are higher. Um, excuse me, two weeks ago you'd be hard-pressed to find a female in this office who wasn't wearing jeans and a tee-shirt, and now suddenly they're all fashion plates?

Terribly amusing indeed. I just love watching them all scramble when he walks through. And if he actually stops to talk to anyone? Everyone gathers around her desk after the fact, to get a rundown of each and every word he uttered.

I'm so freakin' glad I'm not single, and can laugh this all off.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

But does it come with a French tickler?

What a tease.

Upon browsing Yahoo's headlines today, I was hit by "McDonald's to launch Adult Happy Meals." Of course, my first thought was what kind of toy would they include in an ADULT Happy Meal (and just how happy would it make me?)

Apparently that's not quite what they meant.

Tsk Tsk.

What a tease.

"And I just can't get it up... just can't get it up....."

Sorry. This article made me regress to my high school days, when we... ahem.. would alter the lyrics to an old Depeche Mode song.

I'm looking forward to seeing this ad. Should make for amusing dinner conversation.

Inconsiderate Lunchers

I despise it when someone eats something that smells atrocious for lunch, and the stench permeates the entire office. What makes these idiots think that we all want to smell the tunafish they had for lunch? It's NOT the least bit appetizing, and it's starting to make me a tad nauseous.


Oh crap.

It was I who ate the tuna for lunch today.

Rush hour grooming, part 2

This reminded me of another odd (not to mention dangerous) thing I saw during rush hour a few years ago.

I was headed north on I-95, keeping pace with traffic at about 85 mph. The car in front of me was NOT maintaining speed, nor was it staying in it's own lane. So at my first opportunity, I passed. I glanced over and noticed the rearview mirror was sharply angeled down toward the driver, so I assumed it was a woman applying her mascara as she whizzed through traffic. I was wrong.

I caught a glimpse of something narrow and silver, which upon second look I realized was a pair of tweezers. This woman was tweezing hairs from her chinny-chin-chin! In traffic! All I could think was what if she hit a bump or had to stop suddenly! It would be a very difficult injury to explain upon admittance to the emergency room.

Rush hour grooming....

So this morning, I'm cruising into work. I travel a fairly busy main thoroughfare in an over-populated area of town, so I've seen many interesting grooming habits of other drivers along the way.

However, this morning I saw something new. I'm stopped at a light, humming along to music (this morning's selection was "Believe" by Disturbed); I glance over into the green Taurus next to me (having noticed the rather erratic movements of the driver; he was having trouble maintaining his lane, but it was too early for him to be drunk!). And what do I see? A middle-aged man with a Q-tip buried 3/4's of the way into his skull. I mean, he wasn't merely drying out the water from his morning shower. This guy was digging for buried treasure. He did catch me staring, but seemed unphased, or even the least bit embarrassed.

Later I was struck by a thought that made my stomach turn: where was he putting the used Q-tips once he was through? I've seen people toss cups, hamburger wrappers, cigarette butts and even beer bottles from moving vehicles. But can you imagine driving along and having a soiled cotton swab sail past your open window?

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

File this one under.....

...."No shit, Sherlock!"

Did we really need a news report to tell us this?

Interesting.....

I'm torn as to whether I think this is a good idea or not.

Initially, I'd say yes, because it seems a perfectly good way to filter what children see. On the other hand, it bothers me, because it removes the responsibility of the individual to exercise freedom of choice, and I'm afraid the more censoring technology we create, the less "parenting" parents will do, relying instead on filters such as this to do it for them.

Does the world really NEED another awards show?

MTV already has their Video Music Awards, and the Movie Awards.... did they HAVE to add the TRL Awards, too?

I gotta say, I did laugh however at the "Fake ID Award."

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Muzzle THIS.....

I won't post often on news or politics (unless it's something really weird or funny... or perverted)... but this was just too good.

This quote stands out to me, and really sums it all up:

"CBS was cited "for acts of self-censorship demonstrating both hypocrisy and an unwillingness to stand up to public and political pressure," the Thomas Jefferson Center for the Protection of Free Expression said in a statement."

I'm glad it's apparent to the REST of the planet that CBS is going overboard in an attempt to make up for that stupid boob incident. And I think the actual award handed out should be a large, bronze metallic, sun-shaped pastie.

Addendum: This evening, at 8:14, as I went to re-read this, I saw quite possibly the most ironic of banner ads that could possibly have been shown in conjunction with this article.

Monday, April 12, 2004

Unconscious Mutterings....

I love these... I think it's all those damned Psychology classes... I just find it amusing to examine my answers afterwards and see if there's a pattern.

So let's see what's on the slate this week.....

  1. Boxing:: gloves
  2. Lewis:: Clark
  3. Bodyguard:: Bouncer
  4. Burnout:: Tires
  5. Cruising:: teeny-boppers
  6. Easter:: Parade
  7. AA:: Liver damage
  8. Research:: Development
  9. Redemption:: Confession
  10. Snickers:: peanuts

Bad luck?

Is it bad luck to covet a wedding dress when one isn't even engaged?

A girlfriend is getting married late next month, so Friday I went to David's Bridal to pick up my bridesmaid dress. I went in, tried it on, and was giddy with glee - it fit, PERFECTLY. I was amazed. It's a 2 piece, apple red, a halter top with beading around the top, and an ankle length pencil skirt (I was concerned, being blessed with a J.Lo booty, that the skirt would not fit, but it does!)

So as I'm leaving the shop, in this giddy, giggly mood, I see this gown. I was in awe. I was nearly moved to tears. It was the single most perfect, spectacular, beautiful gown I have ever seen. It's simple, yet detailed, elegant yet whimsical. It's the perfect balance of classic beauty and modern whimsy.

Here's the rub - I'm not engaged! Oh sure, we've discussed marriage, and it is something we intend to do - SOME DAY. But not just yet. Too many things up in the air right now to go down that road.

But here's my concern: since it's bad luck for the groom to see the dress before the wedding day, is it bad luck for the (future) bride to see the dress before the engagement day? Am I jinxing myself by lusting after this gown that I may never even get the opportunity to wear?

*sigh*

At least I resisted the temptation to try it on.

Only in my hometown....

Ok, so I'm not FROM here, but I do live here. Sad. I hate that this story made international news.

Though the embarrassing nature of the story DOES explain why it got only minimal coverage on the local news. When it happened, it was described merely as an explosion. I guess once the reporters/police got the whole story, it was too comical to actually cover as serious news.

*sigh*

A happy ending....

I like it when someone deserving gets what they wish for....

Lucky this guy isn't married, cus I'm certain his wife would have killed him (or at least had him committed) for taking such a risk.

On a more serious note....

This whole blogosphere is an interesting planet. Interesting because through reading about the everyday lives of people whom, in all probability, you will never meet, it is possible to feel that you know them, which in turn causes you to celebrate their victories, and also sympathize with them in a time of need.

This is one of those moments.

Kelley's Suburban Blight is one of the first Blogs I found by way of another, and I've found much humor and heart in her writing. So it is with great concern that I read this post.

So, if you would, please drop by and say "Hello" to Kelley, and extend some good wishes her way.

Tales of boys and bugs, part 2

About a year after the hissing palmetto-that-wouldn't-die incident, we found ourselves living in Columbia, SC. Now, for those of you who have never been there, it's hot. I mean HOT. Beastly, disgustingly hot. And humid. As many of you know, this combo of exceptional heat and moisture makes for ideal breeding conditions for bugs. And this is certainly true when it comes to the afore-mentioned roach (or palmetto bugs).

We were living in a brand new, 3rd floor apartment in a newly developed area of town. One would think that there would not be a bug problem in this apartment, seeing as no one had lived there previously. We thought wrong.

Now, our bedroom was small (as many apartments are), so the distance from the corner of the bed to the bathroom door was barely 6 feet. A few shuffles along the wall, and you can easily make your way from the bed into the bathroom in your sleep, without turning on any lights. So late one night, Matt gets out of bed to use the bathroom. I barely noticed as he got out of bed, and rolled over to go back to sleep. Seconds later I hear a blood-curdling scream. Really! Loud! Piercing! Bad! I am up like a shot just as he turned on the bathroom light, and I see him LAUNCH himself into the air, clearing the distance between the bathroom and the bed without ever touching the floor.

He yells to me, "Get it! GET IT!" Confused, and still half-asleep, I mutter, "Get what?" He motions (as before) to the bathroom. Seeing that he's not bleeding, and there's no boogey-man hiding in my bathroom, I'm feeling no sense of urgency. But he won't let it rest (nor will he let ME rest). He pesters me, until I finally get up to see what horrors there were to behold in my little bathroom. There, on the floor, lay a palmetto bug. It could easily have been the twin of the one we encountered the previous year, back in Atlanta. It was huge. However, it differed from it's Georgia cousin in that it was not hissing or flying. I suppose that was due to the fact that it was squished dead upon the white tile.

It was all I could do to keep from laughing at the idea of Matt stepping onto the cool white tile, only to have the Beast get squished between his toes. Sure, had it been me, I'd have reacted in exactly the same way, but since it wasn't me, I found great humor in the whole thing. That is until I was assigned the task of cleaning up the carcass, as well as disinfecting his foot (you'd have thought he stepped in muradic acid or something, holding his foot as far away from his body as possible, as if it were going to start bubbling, and the flesh were about to fall off the bone).

I still giggle to this day each time I think of that night.....

Tales of boys and bugs - Part 1

Reading Serenity's recent adventures with mosquitoes (and her distaste for cockroaches, which I wholeheartedly share) reminded me of two incidents involving my ex-husband and the lovely, nuclear-repellent roaches.

When Matt and I met in 1996, he had only lived in Atlanta for about two weeks. He was a born and bred Ohio boy, and it took some time for him to adjust to certain aspects of The South: heat, humidity, killer thunderstorms and gargantuan bugs. I guess in Ohio you've got your garden variety 'roaches,' while here in the South, we've got this bigger, badder version (kinda like roaches on steroids) called Palmetto Bugs.

Matt's first summer in Atlanta was an adventure for him, to say the least. There was a weekend shortly after we met where we decided to "take a break." The morning after this discussion, I get a call from him.

"Where were you when I needed you last night?"
"Um, I was out with Julie. Why?"
"Well, you can come over if you want. On one condition...."
"Uh, okay... what's that?"
"Bring a can of Raid. The industrial strength stuff."

A couple hours later when I arrived at his apartment, I found him staring intently at a corper of the room, near the ceiling. There sat a Palmetto Bug. And not just any Palmetto Bug - we're talking the mother of all, the Queen Bee, the Big Kahuna. This mo-fo was MASSIVE. Literally about 4 inches long, and nearly an inch across at it's widest point.

Apparently the night before, Matt was sitting on the couch watching TV, when out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement. When he turned to look, he saw "The Beast." He immediately leapt onto the couch and attempted to swat it down, at which point it turned tail and HISSED at him. This was, apparently, a novel reaction from a bug. Those wussy lil roaches in Ohio don't do this! What's up with these Southern bugs? He then got a can of Raid from the kitchen, and sprayed... nay, DOUSED the Beast with it. Still, nothing. It just continued to hiss. As he tried to swat it again, it then extended it's wings, and FLEW across the room, escaping death yet again. This pattern continued on for 45 minutes or so, at which point Matt opted to barricade himself in the bedroom until the next day.

Once I arrived, a chase ensued, lasting for what seemed an hour. At one point, this Palmetto was so drenched in chemicals, that his shell was literally BUBBLING (let's keep in mind - they say the only things on Earth that would survive a nuclear war are cockroaches and Twinkies). At this point, even though I had lived in the South for 7 years, and had survived other encounters with these creatures, I was beginning to grow nervous. But we were, little by little, wearing him down. His pace began to slow, and he had lost his ability to fly (that, or his wings were simply to soaked to unfurl anymore). Finally he tried to hide himself behind the bedroom door. He was cornered. He cowered in shame as the shoe heel came down to crack his shell.

However, it was the roach that had the last laugh - there was a brown smear of sludge against the white wall. I am certain that, to this day, that smear is still there. If Raid didn't destroy that thing, I'm certain mere latex paint is no match.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

I'm a bad, bad person

As I mentioned earlier in this blog, I've reached the ripe old age of 31 (nearly 32) and I've yet to spawn. Not that I don't want to, but the timing just hasn't been right, and probably will not be for another 2 or 3 years. I'm okay with that. I have plenty of friends who have children, whom I can lavish with cute clothing, and noisy toys until I have my own child to spoil. And then there's my boyfriend's son, Brandon, who at age 7, is this terribly amusing little bundle of one-liners that keep me in stitches whenever he's around.

But aside from all of the exposure I have to children, there's one thing missing - DISCIPLINE. No, no, not ME. I mean I've apparently never learned how to best reason with kids, or discipline them in a way that they understand/appreciate.

I realized this yesterday after I yelled at two kids. Not my kids. Not the kids of anyone I know. But kids who were testing my patience and pissing me off nonetheless.

We were at an Easter picnic with about 70 of our closest friends. It was an elaborate deal, really... more food than you can imagine, a friend of ours all dressed up as the Easter Bunny (he rode in on his motorcycle, so seeing the Easter Bunny with a helmet UNDER his ears was a sight to behold), football, music and (of course) an Easter egg hunt.

So I'm sitting along the sidelines watching the guys play football, and a young couple I know were hiding eggs throughout the bushes and tall grasses at the outskirts of the field. As they walked past, he says to me, "Watch out for those boys over there. They're not wiht our group, and I think they're going to try to steal some eggs." I nodded and assured him I would take care of any egg poachers.

About 10 minutes later, I see movement out of the corner of my eye - I looked downfield, and saw 2 12-year old boys digging through the grass, and eating candy from one of OUR eggs. I stood up and growled, "PUT DOWN THE EGG! NOW!!" There they stood, like a deer caught in headlights. As I moved toward them, one immediately tossed all of the 'hot' eggs back into the bushes. He had this look of terror that I will never forget. However, his friend was testing me. He was staring me down, still holding the eggs in his hands, as if to DARE me to reclaim them. I repeated myself, "Put down the eggs. Those are not for you."

"We didn't know," was the weak excuse I got in return.

"Did you lose an egg? Did you drop one and thought this might be yours?" I asked.

"No." The sullen response.

"Then you should not have picked it up. It's not yours, so leave them alone. Got it?"

And yet, Boy #2 still stood there, glaring at me, holding the eggs.

I repeated my initial command: "Put the eggs DOWN. NOW." Still he only glared. By now I'm only a few feet away, and realizing that my barking orders is getting me nowhere with this child, I opted for another tactic.

"You guys are nothing but big bullies. You're taking eggs from little kids, kids that aren't even half your age. You should be ASHAMED of yourselves."

Apparently, this did the trick. Boy #2 tossed his stolen treasures back into the bushes, and began to hightail it out of the park.

Upon returning to my chair on the sidelines, I received an ovation from my friends for my performance as "The Enforcer," but for some reason, I had a little touch of guilt nagging me. Had I been too hard on these boys? Should I have just let them steal the eggs, and left it alone? Should I have invited them to join the egghunt?

Once the droves of children were released onto the field for the egghunt, my guilt was washed away. Herds of children, from age 1 to age 8, swarmed the field, giggling with glee as they discovered each new egg. It was then that I realized one less egg would mean one less giggle, one less smile, one less "Ohhh! I got a tootsie roll in MY egg!" And that made it all worthwhile. I wasn't merely defending some cheap plastic eggs containing candy - I was protecting an afternoon of fun and glee for the children.

(At least this is what I'm trying to convince myself of so as not to rot away from the guilt).

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Shallow Roots

I'm a California girl. I was born there, I was raised there, and I will one day (hopefully) retire there. (However, that's a long ways off). However, despite my west coast upbringing, I've spent the last 15 years taking a tour of the South. I spent 8 years in Atlanta, where I met my (now ex-) husband, and we subsequently moved to Columbia (SC), Charlotte (NC) and then here - Jacksonville, FL. My entire family (with few exceptions) is still in California, and they pester me frequently about coming back out west. However, I was intent upon being a supportive and loving wife, and gleefully followed my (ex-) husband wherever his job took us.

So when we split up (it's now been over three years ago), the pressure was REALLY on for me to pack up and move closer to my family. And I'll admit, it was tempting. I had no husband, no family, few friends, and no job and no apartment (I had given notice on both in anticipation of following him for yet another transfer).

And yet, despite all of that, I decided to stay here in Florida. It was something I had to do for myself. It would have been far to easy to pack up and move 'home.' I was 28, I had spent my entire adult life with two men (not simultaneously!), and I had never lived alone for any length of time. Though I had always considered myself to be a very independent and self-sufficient person, those skills had never truly been put to the test. I felt that this was an opportunity to truly test my own strength and resourcefulness. And that I did.

I found a new apartment. I got a new (and better) job. I made new friends. I learned how to "date" again (quite a ridiculous sport, if you ask me). I got involved in sports. But most importantly, I learned how to be okay with being alone. I learned to appreciate a quiet evening at home, by myself. I realized it's okay to cook a four-course meal for just myself. I learned how to go out, be it to dinner, or a club, and not feel like a social outcast just because I was by myself. And I learned to actually LIKE all of these things.

Yet still, my family persisted in trying to convince me to move back. They focused on the fact that I had nothing tying me to this place. Upon thinking about it, I realized I had in fact developed some shallow roots. I was finally feeling anchored to a place, to people, and I liked it. But there was still a part of me that was homesick, a part of me that felt that once I made it through all the rough spots, I would eventually return to California, where I felt I belonged.

So here we are, three years later... and I haven't moved back. And I don't know that I ever will. I've come to this realization lately that I have finally found a place where I really feel I belong. A place where I have wonderful, amazing, loyal friends. A place where I have the love and devotion of an amazing and gentle man. A place where I have a job that I am actually very good at, where I (usually) feel appreciated, where I feel challenged (usually), and where I have friends.

For a couple of years, I was merely content. And now? I've realized there's something better than mere contentment. It's called happiness.

Friday, April 09, 2004

A weird phenomenon.....

After going back to the Doctor the other day (and having about 3 gallons of blood drained from my arm for bloodwork), I realized something ... that was the second time in my life I've been hit on my a lab tech handling my bodily fluids. Second time!

About three years ago, when I went to one of those Lab Test places for my pre-employment drug screen, I was hit on by the "Specimen Collector" man. After I had donated, we were sitting across from each other at a table, my cup-o-urine sitting between us, filling out paperwork. And he did it... He examined my address on my Driver's License, and joked about not giving it back to me until next time I saw him, then suggested that be sometime outside of work (at least he was cognizant of the fact that urine is not conducive to a romantic date!). But I was floored! I was disgusted, and shocked! I mean, how desperate does a guy have to be to actually hit on a woman after collecting her pee? PRETTY DAMNED DESPERATE!

The weird part is, had I met this guy under other circumstances, I'd have probably liked him (initially anyway). He was about my age, good looking, and in his residency at a local hospital (apparently just moonlighting as the "Specimen Collector." Maybe there's good money in urine these days.) But under the circumstances, it was too "ewwwwww" for words. I snatched my license away from him, mumbled something about having a boyfriend, and left. Quickly.

So then the other day, the lab tech at my Doctor's office did nearly a repeat of this first incident. I'd seen him before, but never really spoke to him (I haven't been going to this Doctor for very long, so I think I've only seen him on two other occasions). So as I'm sitting in the little blood-letting chair, butterfly taped into the crook of my arm, feeling mildly nauseous from the needle (I despise needles), he starts flirting with me. BADLY. Like not just the cute, small talk, friendly stuff that can be blown off as benign and harmless. This guy was actually trying to be "smooth" as he sucked the blood from my body (and trust me, it wasn't in some sexy Vampire-like way).

Now I'm no super-model.... I get hit on fairly regularly in NORMAL situations, but I'm not so irresistible that men just can't HELP but fall for me as they collect liquids from my being. Chalk it up to just plain weirdness.

FriDAY! FriDAY!! FriDAY!!!

Oh happy day.... It's Friday, the weather is supposed to be gorgeous all day, and I have absolutely no chores or errands to complete today. A whole, entire day free to spend as I choose. I think I shall.... Go get a pedicure... Go take a friend to lunch for her Bday (and pick up the key so I can watch her dog this weekend)... put the photos from the 5 rolls of film I picked up last night in the photo albums where they belong!.... Run to Target and buy more photo albums, but I think they're all full.....

But the best part of having today off? Taking off work on a Friday feels so much like playing hooky. Meanwhile, I'm all-too-aware that all of my beloved co-workers are, as we speak, meandering into the office, complaining about having to cover my work for me. HAH! Enjoy it, you bitches! I might even cruise by the office to "get something out of my desk," freshly pedicured and looking relaxed and refreshed. (Yes, I'll enjoy pouring a little salt in their wounds).

Now, if only I weren't still all amped up on these decongestants (I can tell already, this stuff has beefed up my metabolism - unintentional diet pill! Whoo hooooo!), I would have REALLY taken advantage of this day off, and slept in! *sigh* Oh well...

Enjoy the day!


Addendum: Apparently Natalie and I were on the same wavelength this morning. Natalie, I promise to enjoy today in your honor!

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Should you remain friends with Exes?

I'm famous for this. I have a really hard time staying angry at people (unless they cheated on me, or proceeded to stalk me following the breakup... in which case, I hope they rot in hell). So when I break up with someone, and I utter those words that always come tumbling out ("I hope we can still be friends") I actually mean it.

I've been pretty successful at it. I consider my ex-husband to be truly one of my best friends on earth; we live far, far away from each other, but have visited each other a couple times. And a recent ex-boyfriend and I speak almost daily (his choice, not really mind)...in fact, he invited me to his wedding last weekend (though to me, that was even a little too weird). There are others whom I don't really care to remain friends with, but because I'm polite, I still (usually) take their calls when they pop up out of nowhere after 6 months or so. (The funny part is my boyfriend asks why I still keep them programmed into my cell - he doesn't understand it's so I can easily hit "ignore" and send them to voicemail when I see who it is!)

Anyway, it was with great amusement that I ran across this article on MSN.

Unconscious Mutterings (wait, should that not be SUBconscious?)

Looking at these words, I'm almost frightened to see my OWN responses...

  1. Condemn:: Condom
  2. Promiscuous:: Slutty
  3. Pro-life:: Radicals
  4. Mona Lisa:: content
  5. Crown:: Tiara
  6. Mumble:: redneck
  7. Hack:: Saw
  8. Diet:: COKE! (as in, Diet Coke, not weight loss by way of drug use)
  9. Introduction:: Nice to meetcha!
  10. Latin America:: Balmy


I think what this all means is I need a vacation, and I need to get laid.

The stuff that dreams are made of...

I don't know how or when it happened. But I've been bitten by the adrenaline bug.

I've always had a bit of a leadfoot, but my preference has always been to have 4 tires planted on the pavement whilst I'm weaving through traffic.

Until now.

When I met Jeff (the boyfriend), he informed me he had a motorcycle. My reaction was less than favorable. Prior to meeting him, I had only ridden on the back of two bikes, and both experiences were terrifying. Harrowing. BAD, bad, bad. When I finally saw the bike, I was surprised. For some reason, I assumed he was talking about a cruiser - a Harley, or something along those lines. They're quite popular here in Florida, so I just assumed...

It did take him some time (and gentle coaxing) to convince me to climb on the back of this 'crotch rocket' with him. The first few times, we just tooled around suburbia, and steered clear of the interstates. Little by little, I grew more comfortable with the whole thing, and started to actually enjoy it.

Fast forward 11 months, and now I'm hooked. The need for speed is planted within me, and now I'm no longer satisfied with riding in the back. I want to be in control. No more 'bitch seat' for me.

I need my own bike.

Besides, a bike is a perfectly good reason to invest in some nice leathers... how cute would I look in this and these.....

Warm fuzzies...

Wow, I've only been blogging for a couple of days now, and already I've received the honor of having an entire post dedicated to me on another Blog.

James, my dear, I can't believe you would actually think I was kissing up to you merely for a place on your Blogroll. I thought you knew you mean more to me than that. *sigh*

Nonetheless, I am terribly flattered to have a terribly talented, funny Blogger take notice of me.

Modern Medicine

Ok, I've been suffering from this cold/sinus infection/crud for... oh... 4 months now. After dealing with it for 3.5 months, I finally saw the Doctor about it. Whatever he gave me didn't work, cus as soon as I completed the antibiotics, it came back.

So I went back yesterday... He took Xrays, referred me to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, and gave me LITERALLY a grocery bag of prescriptions (nice guy that he is, he filled them all from the sample room - even with good insurance, this stuff would have run me upwards of $100!)

The good Doctor wrote my dosage instructions in blue ball point pen on the cartons. With the light colored boxes, this is fine, but on the dark green box that my decongestant is packaged in, it's a little less clear (besides, let's be honest - Physicians are not known for their beautiful handwriting).

In an exhausted, achy, sick state last night, I took my medications. The decongestant comes in little blister packs, each containing 2-1250 mg caplets. We're talking HUGE ass horse pills (the pills are huge ass, not the horse). So I popped them both, drank down a huge glass of Tang (yes, I'm 31, and I love Tang... no, not pootie tang).

Shortly thereafter, I went to bed. BED, I say, not SLEEP. Sleep did not come. I lay there, wired, jittery, damned near spastic for hours. I got up to get a glass of water, and decided it was time to tweeze my eyebrows (not a chore that typically rouses me from sleep at 12:15 a.m.) And tweeze I did. Mind you, I didn't do anything drastic - just neatened them up. What's extraordinary about this is that I did it with no *gasp!* ice! Me, an admitted wuss, a total chicken, with no tolerance for pain, was able to tweeze my eyebrows without anything to numb my tender flesh, and I didn't so much as wince in pain.

Frightening what drugs can do.

It wasn't until after I re-read the carton this morning, however, that I realized what the cause of my insomnia was. So what did my dumb ass do? I took one more.

So here I sit, 44 oz Diet Coke in hand, 3 decongestants winding their way throughout my bloodstream, and I'm a SPAZZ. I'm actually scaring my co-workers. They say my speech is at about twice it's normal rate (and I speak quite rapidly under normal circumstances).

The good news? I feel better. Between the shot he gave me yesterday, and the mild overdose I've given myself, I am DEFINITELY well on the road to recovery.

Yippeeeeeee!!

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

I wanna....

Creative thought seems to be escaping me today. Truly sucks seeing as it was an overly creative urge yesterday that prompted me to attempt to start blogging to begin with.

I've found at least half a dozen new Bloggers today whom I already adore. The more I find, the less work I get done. I'm presently in love with James. Ok, love is a strong word, but I am adoring him from afar. Afterall, he seemingly has my sense of humor, he's my age, and he's a SoCal native!

However, since there is a real love of my life, stealing James' Blog ideas will have to suffice (the ol "imitation is the highest form of flattery" thing).


I wanna . . .

meet - Hmmm... Richard P. Feynman. Except he's dead. Might make for a dull conversation. Ok, how about Stephen Hawking. Wait, wait, not a great conversationalist there, either. Ok, I'll settle for Robin Williams. (common thread here - genius).

eat - a lovely seared Ahi Tuna steak. HUGE. Thick. Encrusted in sesame seeds and black pepper. With a heaping hunk of wasabi on the side.

go - anyplace where I can swim with dolphins and sting rays in crystal clear waters, then lounge upon a sugar sand beach, sipping some overly sweet fruity drink with an umbrella in it. Or Rome.

buy - a motorcycle. More specifically a 2004 Kawasaki ZX6R. Orange. Or Kawasaki Racing Green.

share $10 million dollars with - My family. Primarily my Mom, but also one of my aunts, her two daughters, and my grandmother. No need for extensive explanation here - I love them, and would share with them my good fortune for all that they have given me throughout my life.

101 Things you might not know about Nee... er... ME!

While I’ve yet to fully determine the direction of this Blog in the future, I do know (as I revealed yesterday) that it will be about ME. But just who am I? Hah, there’s a loaded question.

On another Blog, (Thank you Natalie; I’m going to borrow your concept), I saw something I thought was really entertaining, and I felt this would be a perfect manner in which to introduce myself. So here begins “101 Things about Nee.”

1. I’m stubborn.
2. I have oft been accused of being a human cartoon character, due to the fact that I actually use words like, “Eeek,” “tee hee,” and “whhhhhhheeeeeee,” in daily speech.
3. I’m hopelessly addicted to cosmetics.
4. I’m also hopelessly addicted to shoes and handbags.
5. I’ve run out of room for ALL of these things.
6. My favorite perfume is Must de Cartier.
7. I still have the baby blanket and stuffed lion (“Gopa” from Living Free) which I received as an infant.
8. I love to take random photos of people and places, yet I am a terrible photographer.
9. I’m in love.
10. I love being in love.
11. I am one of the only people I know who reached age 30 without having any children.
12. I desperately (well, not desperately) want to have children. Soon.
13. Music inspires me.
14. Nature inspires me.
15. Love inspires me.
16. All of this leads me to believe I am much more of a romantic than I may like to admit.
17. Growing up, I wanted to be an architect. I would spend hours at my drawing board, creating my dream house on 8-1/2” x 11” graph paper.
18. As I got a bit older, I decided I wanted to be an actress. However, at that gawky age, I had horrid stage fright, so I quickly dispensed with that idea.
19. I love flowers. I keep fresh flowers in a vase in my kitchen as often as possible.
20. I have a massive collection of 80’s music. The cheesier, the better.
21. I was once married, for 5 years. I am now close friends with my Ex-husband.
22. One day I plan on going back to college to finally get that silly little piece of paper.
23. If I were to win the lottery, I would quit my job, go to school to study marine biology, and get a job (any job) at Sea World.
24. I never play the lottery.
25. It’s really difficult to win the lottery when you never buy tickets.
26. I just don’t understand why those Lottery folks can’t just knock on my door one day (like Ed McMahon) and tell me, “Nee, you’re such a wonderful, deserving person, and we know how much you’d like to win the lottery, so we’ve decided to just give the $58M jackpot to you.”
27. No, I don’t do drugs.
28. I love beer. But I’m picky about it.
29. I’m an excellent driver.
30. I’m a horrible parker.
31. To this day, I am amazed I passed my driver’s license exam. The parallel parking segment should have failed me.
32. I enjoy math.
33. I enjoy Physics.
34. I understand neither.
35. If my knowledge of the Bible was better, I would kick ass on Jeopardy.
36. I’m a nerd at heart.
37. It’s really kind of hard to think of 100 factoids about one’s self before I’ve had my daily caffeine requirements.
38. I don’t have blood coursing through my veins; if you were to cut me, I’d bleed Diet Coke.
39. I don’t drink Diet Coke because it’s ‘diet.’ I drink it for the taste.
40. I give money to beggars. Sometimes.
41. I hate racism, sexism and discrimination of any kind.
42. I’m not religious per se, but I do believe in G_d. Without question.
43. But I do not believe in the concept of hell.
44. I believe that evil exists on earth, and not on some subterranean plane.
45. I’m always attracted to the ‘bad boy’ type – shaved head, goatee, earings, tattoos.
46. I am in love with the All American Boy – clean cut, no tats, no piercings, all-sport jock type.
47. My guilty pleasure is reality TV. I find sick humor in shows like The Bachelor and Average Joe.
48. Nine times out of ten, I disagree with the final choice the contestant makes.
49. I’m terribly argumentative.
50. I am fiercely protective of my friends and family.
51. My Mom is my best friend.
52. My Grandmother is one of the strongest women I know.
53. I am a direct descendant of Lucretia Mott.
54. This explains #1 and #49.
55. I would love to retire to Catalina Island, off Southern California.
56. I know this is not everyone’s ideal retirement destination, but to me, it’s just far enough from the mainland without feeling isolated.
57. I love animals of every kind.
58. Except slugs.
59. And centipedes.
60. And fuzzy spiders.
61. And slimy worms.
62. I want a motorcycle.
63. My Mom would FREAK if I got one.
64. I’m a pervert.
65. I get carded 90% of the time.
66. I’m nearly 32.
67. I have my Mom to thank for getting on me about using sunscreen.
68. I have two tattoos.
69. I have two piercings (other than my ears – I have 5 of those).
70. My Mom knows about one of each of them.
71. I’ll never tell her about the others.
72. I’m not telling you, either.
73. You really cannot judge a book by its cover.
74. I don’t read nearly enough.
75. My “to-do” list is ever-growing, and yet I never seem to be able to check anything off of it.
76. I loathe people who cheat on their spouse/wife/husband/significant other.
77. Honesty, loyalty and love are what I value most.
78. I consider myself very lucky to have found these qualities in someone who is also on of my best friends.
79. As much as I complain about Florida, I finally feel that I have established roots here.
80. I would rather have a handful of really amazing friends, than droves of ‘ok’ friends.
81. I have a handful of really amazing friends.
82. I was a drama queen as a child.
83. I’m still just as dramatic as an adult.
84. My Mom said that when she chose my first and middle name, she considered how dramatic/exotic they sounded together, and figured if I ever went into theatre, I could simply drop my last name.
85. My Mom married my father so that if I grew up and wanted to become President, I could.
86. She apparently had much larger aspirations for me than I had for myself.
87. Much as I complain about it, I love my job.
88. Some people are a natural for sales; I am one of them.
89. I can talk to anyone, anywhere at any time, about nearly anything.
90. I keep my toes polished at least 363 days per year.
91. I am an amazing cook.
92. I eat out way too often.
93. I am a morning person.
94. I can’t seem to buy/keep/burn enough candles. Too many is not enough.
95. I have hideously expensive taste.
96. People have described me as bitchy, mean, harsh, materialistic and shallow.
97. These people don’t know me. At all.
98. Though I can be bitchy.
99. In all honesty, I can describe myself as sweet-natured, genuine, loyal, honest and warm.
100. And let’s not forget cute.
101. Oh yeah, and referring back to #2? "Dot" from Animaniacs is my idol.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

So now I've had this "Blog" thing for nearly six months now... And yet I have YET to do anything with us. At the time that I began this, I envisioned it as a place for me to vent about my romantic frustrations (apparently I was experiencing a lot of frustration at that time in my life). Funny how so much can change in so little time.

Fast forward to today, and I'm 100% (well, maybe 99%) free of romantic issues, and am sailing along happily. So then what, pray tell, am I to Blog about? I have about a half-dozen blogs that I read with any consistency, and I'm happy to report they are from a wide variety of writers - married, single, straight, gay, Democrat and Republican. From this vast array of talented folks, I had hoped to gain some inspiration as to the "direction" for my own Blog. But I have yet to glean the insight I had hoped to.

You see, I'm not a terribly politically minded person. Yes, I watch the news. Yes, I do care about who's running this country. But it's just not something I feel strongly enough about to dedicate myself to write about it on a daily basis.

On top of that, I'm single. Not married, no children. And my family is spread far and wide around the U.S. (and overseas), so I'm short on amusing anecdotes about what my youngest did in kindergarten, or tales about my husband's new promotion.

And while I do love to read, and my life would be incomplete without film and music, my taste is so (dare I say it) schizophrenic that I would frighten anyone were I to write about my latest finds. They would surely call the internet police and have me committed to a bland little table somewhere.

Well then, what's left to write about? Um, why ME of course!!

So there you have it. This Blog will be about me. Alert the media, stop the presses, I'm gonna write about myself. How very self-absorbed and narcissistic that sounds! (I love it!) Here you will read about my latest adventures, read countless tales of how much I love and adore my boyfriend, how much I miss my Mom and Grandmother, and how frustrated I am with this place called "Work."

Wish me luck... It should be an interesting journey!