Modern Medicine

Ok, I've been suffering from this cold/sinus infection/crud for... oh... 4 months now. After dealing with it for 3.5 months, I finally saw the Doctor about it. Whatever he gave me didn't work, cus as soon as I completed the antibiotics, it came back.

So I went back yesterday... He took Xrays, referred me to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist, and gave me LITERALLY a grocery bag of prescriptions (nice guy that he is, he filled them all from the sample room - even with good insurance, this stuff would have run me upwards of $100!)

The good Doctor wrote my dosage instructions in blue ball point pen on the cartons. With the light colored boxes, this is fine, but on the dark green box that my decongestant is packaged in, it's a little less clear (besides, let's be honest - Physicians are not known for their beautiful handwriting).

In an exhausted, achy, sick state last night, I took my medications. The decongestant comes in little blister packs, each containing 2-1250 mg caplets. We're talking HUGE ass horse pills (the pills are huge ass, not the horse). So I popped them both, drank down a huge glass of Tang (yes, I'm 31, and I love Tang... no, not pootie tang).

Shortly thereafter, I went to bed. BED, I say, not SLEEP. Sleep did not come. I lay there, wired, jittery, damned near spastic for hours. I got up to get a glass of water, and decided it was time to tweeze my eyebrows (not a chore that typically rouses me from sleep at 12:15 a.m.) And tweeze I did. Mind you, I didn't do anything drastic - just neatened them up. What's extraordinary about this is that I did it with no *gasp!* ice! Me, an admitted wuss, a total chicken, with no tolerance for pain, was able to tweeze my eyebrows without anything to numb my tender flesh, and I didn't so much as wince in pain.

Frightening what drugs can do.

It wasn't until after I re-read the carton this morning, however, that I realized what the cause of my insomnia was. So what did my dumb ass do? I took one more.

So here I sit, 44 oz Diet Coke in hand, 3 decongestants winding their way throughout my bloodstream, and I'm a SPAZZ. I'm actually scaring my co-workers. They say my speech is at about twice it's normal rate (and I speak quite rapidly under normal circumstances).

The good news? I feel better. Between the shot he gave me yesterday, and the mild overdose I've given myself, I am DEFINITELY well on the road to recovery.

Yippeeeeeee!!