Once I got home....

...there was some news waiting for me that quickly shattered the calm and peace of my lovely weekend.

Let me preface this by saying... a couple months ago, a friend asked me "What's your greatest fear in life....?"

The answers that flashed through my head were "Dying," "Never finding true love again," and "never having children...." But I knew those were all things that would eventually happen. I'm not actually afraid of dying, and if I don't find true love or have children? Well, oh well... it simply wasn't meant to be. However, I'm still optimistic about them.

No, when it comes right down to it, my greatest fear is of losing my Grandmother and my Mom. The two single most important people in my life. Hands down. No questions asked. There is no one else who is more important to me.

So.... My mom phoned this evening to tell me my Grandmother (whom essentially raised me) has had a stroke, is in the hospital, and is not doing well.

At this point, we don't know much else... she sees the neurologist tomorrow, and my Aunt will update us then. But we're on high alert... if there's no improvement in the next few days, we're planning on flying out to California to see her... as my Mom put it, before her memory deteriorates to the point that she doesn't recognize us.

I'm terrified...

I'm trying to be strong.

I'm trying to be optimistic.

But all I can do is cry.

All I can think of is the fact that she is indeed growing older, that she has had some serious health problems over the last few years, and that I do need to come to terms with the fact that she will not be around forever. And that last part is a very bitter pill for me to swallow.