*long sigh*

The USS J.F.K. has officially gone out to sea. And on it, the love of my life, Jeffrey.

I'm sad, but I'm also numb. With so much chaos going on over the weekend, plus his parents, his son, and everything that goes along with them, we didn't have so much as a moment's peace together. I feel like we didn't even get to say good-bye properly.

After he walked up the gangplank to board the boat, after we had waved until he was out of sight, I turned to find hundreds and hundreds of other young couples, locked in embraces, kissing passionately, crying, not wanting to let go. And yet, here I was, walking back to the car with his horrid mother, his father and his son. I felt so cheated. Where was MY embrace? Where was MY passionate kiss?

While I do feel like a part of me is missing, I also don't think it's all completely hit me yet. I don't think I'll fully feel the loss until I get home tonight - to MY home, rather than his (which is where I've lived for the last year).

For once, I'm actually thankful for being at work... at least it's a distraction from the sadness and depression that are setting in.

I've now lost 10 lbs in the last 7 days. Seem to have lost 3 yesterday alone. Food is not a priority. I really have no appetite whatsoever. Haven't slept, either. Guess the bags under my eyes won't greatly compliment my new slimmer physique.