WTF?

*sigh*

Oh, the single life.

While I may be happily (usually) attached right now, there was a time when I was a not-so-happy singleton. Let me clarify... I didn't have a problem with being SINGLE, so much as I despise the entire game of dating. It's a ridiculous sport. I know all these girls (and guys) who LOVE it. Who actually ENJOY it as a pastime. I am not one of those people.

Reading Sassy's latest reminded me of a horrible first-date I went on some time ago... and then other disastrous dates.

I'll start you off with a good one... a little over a year ago, I agreed to go on a few blind dates. Long story, but I did. One of the guys I agreed to meet seemed really nice on the phone... he was a firefighter, very active in sports, worked out a lot and had a very friendly personality on the phone. He had asked me at one point how tall I am (I'm 5'8"), and then mentioned (rather sheepishly) that he was only 5'9". No problem, I thought... I'll just wear low heels or flats when I meet him. He also mentioned that he had been divorced (no problem) - TWICE (ok, small red flag, but I won't hold it against him, I thought. He also spoke at length about his sports car (another smallish red flag, but okay).

So we agreed to meet at a local brewery/restaurant. I arrived a little early (wearing flats), and went to the bar to order a beer and wait. A few minutes pass, and then I feel a tap on my shoulder, and suddenly an arm comes around me from behind, presenting me with a single pink rose. Pleasantly surprised, I turn around. And look down. And there he was, this little elf of a man. If he was 5'9", then I'm Heidi Klum. This boy was barely 5'3". Mind you, I didn't really have an issue with his HEIGHT (ok, maybe a little), but the fact that he LIED about it. I mean, come ON, did he not think I would notice?

But it gets better....

We sit down to dinner, and things are going okay. He's good looking, well-built (he didn't lie about the amount of time he spends in the gym), but seems a little tightly-wound. As the conversation progresses, we got into the details of both of his divorces (which were, of course, THEIR fault, not his). I learned that his most recent ex-wife (well, technically wife, since they weren't yet divorced) was an 18 year old Russian import. Literally, a mail-order bride (they met online, and her parents arranged for her to marry him so she could move to the U.S. to go to school).

Oh but wait... it still gets better......

He tells me that she cheated on him. Blatantly. Ok, I can understand how this would lead to him being a bit bitter. Then mentions something about a court date the next week. I ask for what (thinking it's a speeding ticket, or something equally benign). Oh no. He's been arrested for domestic violence. Not once, but twice. Yes, twice. And as a result, he's attending court-mandated anger-management classes.

CHECK PLEASE!

We finished dinner quickly, and I mumbled some excuse about having to get home to feed the dog (I don't HAVE a dog). He called me a few more times, but shortly thereafter I met Jeff, so I (luckily) was not available to take his calls.

NOTE TO MEN: While I'm all for "honesty is the best policy," there's a proper time and place to let your skeletons out of the closet. And the first date is not that time.

So now... anyone else wanna belly up to the bar and share some first-date horror stories? Anyone? Anyone?

Now playing: "I'll be" - Edwin McCain

Whoo hoooo! Edwin's doing a free concert here, on Memorial Day weekend. I'm so excited! I could give a rat's ass about the other acts that day, but you can bet your ass I'll be there to see Edwin!