Once I got home....

...there was some news waiting for me that quickly shattered the calm and peace of my lovely weekend.

Let me preface this by saying... a couple months ago, a friend asked me "What's your greatest fear in life....?"

The answers that flashed through my head were "Dying," "Never finding true love again," and "never having children...." But I knew those were all things that would eventually happen. I'm not actually afraid of dying, and if I don't find true love or have children? Well, oh well... it simply wasn't meant to be. However, I'm still optimistic about them.

No, when it comes right down to it, my greatest fear is of losing my Grandmother and my Mom. The two single most important people in my life. Hands down. No questions asked. There is no one else who is more important to me.

So.... My mom phoned this evening to tell me my Grandmother (whom essentially raised me) has had a stroke, is in the hospital, and is not doing well.

At this point, we don't know much else... she sees the neurologist tomorrow, and my Aunt will update us then. But we're on high alert... if there's no improvement in the next few days, we're planning on flying out to California to see her... as my Mom put it, before her memory deteriorates to the point that she doesn't recognize us.

I'm terrified...

I'm trying to be strong.

I'm trying to be optimistic.

But all I can do is cry.

All I can think of is the fact that she is indeed growing older, that she has had some serious health problems over the last few years, and that I do need to come to terms with the fact that she will not be around forever. And that last part is a very bitter pill for me to swallow.

Newfound respect for Mother Nature

On a sidenote.....

During my travels south, I drove right through some of the areas hardest hit my Hurricane Charley. The clips they show you on the Weather Channel and the news do not begin for even a moment to truly illustrate the devastation and the loss.

As you're driving along I-75 South, through an area of lush meadows with cattle, and thick forests of scrub pines and other leafy trees, bright with new growth from all the recent rains.... you suddenly begin to notice lightpoles - huge, tall, freeway lightpoles, bent - nay BROKEN, like a flower whose stem could not support it's pollen-heavy head - snapped in two, the upper half bent to the ground.

Trees - huge thick, otherwise seemingly healthy trees, snapped in half.

Billboards ripped clean of their advertisement, leaving only a twisted skelton of splintered lumber and dangling light fixtures.

And then as you get closer to the city, you see entire neighborhoods, homes appearing as if a bomb had exploded before them. Siding peeled away as if it were mere wrapping paper. Roofs lifted clean off the structure beneath them.

And then beyond that, a trailer park - or what was once one. Mobile homes totally obliterated, resembling a pile of matchsticks now, rather than the community of homes it once was.

To their credit, I must say the residents of this area show great strength and great resolve. Much like the very visible signs of strength that were illustrated (in the form of signs, posters, and flags) post 9/11, there were similar sights post-Charley. On the plywood covering the places that once held windows were spray-painted messages "Sorry Charley - We won!" or "Hotel's closed, but the bar is open! Charley won't scare us away!" And some merely had spray painted images of an American Flag over a twister.

So as we here in Florida brace ourselves for yet another hurricane (Francis is apparently gonna come a-knockin toward the end of this week), I have faith that whatever comes our way, we'll be able to handle.

Celebrating my 200th Post!

Wow. Who'd have thunk it. This is my 200th post. Such a milestone, eh?

Whooo hooooooooo!

I actually had something of significance to post about but *poof* idea gone.

So, to celebrate my 200th episode, I think I shall toddle on over to T.J.'s Irish Pub and raise a glass. I can hear a pint (or four) of Bass calling my name.


Now Playing: "Velvet Sky" - Los Lonely Boys

Another CD I just can't seem to pry out of my CD player. I am so very in love with it, I've been listening to it for over two weeks straight. The perfect blend of Texas Blues and Rock, with Latin influence. Truly superb. You must run out and buy it.

Last week is a blur......

It's only Tuesday, but already I'm trying to remember what all happened last week. It seemed like every day last week was an event unto itself, and it all rolled into one big, blurry blob.

My roommate is dating a new man. And he's seemingly perfect. He's handsome, intelligent, kind, funny... and oh yeah, did I mention, worth about $300M? Yes, three hundred million. Scary, but true.

Luckily, she could care less, so we abuse and harass him just as we would any of her other dates. But this one is special. He not only treats her like a princess, but he is equally kind fo me, all of our friends, his friends, her family - everyone. They've only been dating a couple of weeks, but I'm hearing wedding bells jingling in the distance.

Tuesday night, he calls from a nightclub at the beach, saying, "Hey, I'm in line for Blues Traveler tickets - do you guys want to go? Show starts at 10:30." It took a mere 3.25 seconds for us to determine "Hell yeah!" so off we went. The show was GOOD, but not... well... exciting. They sounded AWESOME. Really, really amazing. Exactly as they do on CD. But there was no showmanship, no excitement (this was a small club venue) and the only audience interaction was when a girl flashed the band in order to get a harmonica from John Popper.

Wednesday we took my roommate out for her birthday. This was a chance for everyone else to meet her new mystery man, and for us to meet some of his friends. A great time was had by all. First we sipped a few Key Lime Martinis at Bonefish Grill, then we moved on to The Ritz Bar to have a beer and watch the stormtrack on The Weather Channel (oh yeah - did I mention we had a near-miss with a hurricane on Friday?)

Sadly, however, this evening did not end on an up note, as one of our girlfriends (who was transporting a couple more of our friends home) was arrested for DUI on her way home from the bar. We all offered to take her home, or call her a cab, but she was insistent on staying out after most of us had gone..... *sigh*

Thursday I was in a fog. A green, fuzzy, hungover fog. ICK. Oh yeah, and then we got evacuated in the middle of the afternoon, as there were a couple of tornadoes in our neighborhood near the office. Oh goody, just what we need.

Friday we prepared for Hurricane Charley. At work, we disconnected all the computer equipment and bagged it up, and left work by 2:00. I had made arrangements to hang out with a friend for the weekend, as I didn't want to weather (no pun intended) the storm all alone (my roommate was in The Bahamas with the new beau). We had, of course, intended to see Kickin' Lassie at Whitey's Fish Camp, but alas, being a riverfront restaurant, they closed for the hurricane.

(Note to Lassie members: I DID drive by and take a picture of your name on the sign out front, so if you use it as your first album cover, I'll expect a share of the royalties!)

The weekend was actually rather peaceful... Charley came and went without any pomp or circumstance. In fact, the thunderstorms we got Sunday afternoon were stronger than the hurricane itself!!

And now, here we are, almost halfway through the week..... tomorrow night will be a PUB NIGHT at T.J.'s. Occasionally I like to invade the place with a bevvy of co-workers and friends who have never been there. I intend to imbibe many, many pints of Bass Ale, play many bad games of pool (and lose miserably) and just try to forget some of the crap I've been dealing with lately.

*sigh*

I'll raise a toast to you all tomorrow night!

Anonymity does have it's virtues.....

There are times that I wish I had never given the address of this Blog to any of my friends/acquaintances or co-workers. I never intended to, really. But sometimes it would come up in conversation, and inevitably, I would give up the address.

Big mistake.

What I'm finding now is what others before me have learned - that there's something to be said for total anonymity. A certain level of freedom, a safe-haven for 100% brutally honest commentary (and confession).

When I created this Blog, it's what I hoped I would have. A place for me to try to sharpen my writing skills (phhhffftt....) and freely express whatever's on my mind or in my heart.

Unfortunately, I just don't feel inspired (or free) to do so.

No, no, I'm not closing up shop (not that the three of you who read me regularly would notice!!), but rather just trying to explain why I've been so quiet lately. I've got so much going on in my life, and in my head these days, that I don't even know where to begin.

But rest assured, I'm sure within a few weeks I'll be back to my normal, bouncy, giggly, too-much-information self.

Until then.......

OH NO, The Blog!

It's rare that I find a blog that bowls me over so much, makes me laugh so hard milk come spewing out my nose, that I feel compelled to run right over here and tell you all about it.

And then I found THIS one.

I don't even recall how I stumbled upon this one, but in the few minutes I was perusing it, I was so amazed and impressed.

Do yourself a favor and go read this one. You won't be sorry.

Emotionally drained

My chaotic week continued at a frenzied pace.

On Tuesday, a dear friend of mine came to work to take me to lunch, and announced he was interviwing the following morning for what could be a HUGE promotion - In FORT MYERS! I was kind of taken aback, and a bit sad, as he's been a great friend, and a wonderful should to cry on... a big brother to me.

So Wednesday night he calls (from New Orleans, where he's visiting his family) to tell me it's almost a definite yes. AND, if he gets it, they want him to move there in about a week's time.

I was crushed.

Thursday night it seemed there was a glimmer of hope (I say this selfishly, seeing as I really DO want him to get the job, as I know it's what he wants, but for my own selfish reasons, I simply don't want him to move 7 hours away - it's hard to replace good friends). He said his Regional VP had called to say there was one more (viable) candidate they had left to interview the following day, but that even if he DIDN'T get this promotion, they have something (kind of a stepping stone) they're planning for him here within two months.

And then he called last night to say they had called with the offer, he accepted, and he'll know all the terms, time frame, etc... when he gets back on Tuesday, but that it will be within a couple of weeks.

So I'm back to being crushed.

In the midst of all this turmoil, I spent 2 days frantically trying to locate a home for those two little orphaned kittens. Meanwhile, they stayed with me, I handfed them numerous times each day (and through the night) and I grew very attached to them.

When I failed to find them a home, several people said to take them to the Humane Society, where they couuld be placed with a foster family until they were old enough for adoption. So, bawling, I took them in. The woman at the 'receiving' desk picked them up, cooed at them, told them how cute they were, and then, while holding them against her chest, informed me that if I were to leave them there, they would be destroyed.

I lost it.

When I asked why, I was informed that kittens must be eating solid/hard food on their own, and must weigh 1.5 lbs before they can be put up for adoption. These kittens are about 3 weeks from reaching that point.

So, crying, I loaded them back into the box, got back in the car, and came home. I called anyone and everyone I could think of, trying like hell to find a home for them (and at this point, I felt it better they be adopted together, as they're very close)

Finally, my roommate suggested I take them to the animal hospital by our house - she said she'd seen many 'orphans' get dropped off there. So, again, we all piled into the car, all three of us crying, and I took them over there. The receptionist was a cold bitch, not even flinching when I repeated what the woman at the Humane Society had told me. But one of the vet's assistants fell in love with them, and (after getting permission from one of the Doctors) agreed to keep them there as resident pets.

*phew*

But now I miss them, and I miss my friend.

It's been a rough week.

Now playing: "The Hamptons" - a documentary, on (gasp!) WE. Shit, could these people BE any more superficial? Oh wait... I had better not ask. I'm sure they could.

Testing Meme Propagation In Blogspace!

Add Your Blog!

This posting is a community experiment that tests how a meme, represented by this blog posting, spreads across blogspace, physical space and time. It will help to show how ideas travel across blogs in space and time and how blogs are connected. It may also help to show which blogs (and aggregation sites) are most influential in the propagation of memes. The dataset from this experiment will be public, and can be located via Google (or Technorati) by doing a search for the GUID for this meme (below).

Please join the test by adding your blog (see instructions, below) and inviting your friends to participate -- the more the better. The data from this test will be public and open; others may use it to visualize and study the connectedness of blogspace and the propagation of memes across blogs.

The GUID for this experiment is:

as098398298250swg9e98929872525389t9987898tq98
wteqtgaq62010920352598gawst

The above GUID enables anyone to easily search Google or other search engines for all blogs that participate in this experiment, once they have indexed the sites that participate, which may take several days or weeks. To locate the full data set, just search for any sites that contain this GUID.

Anyone is free to analyze the data of this experiment. Please publicize your analysis of the data, and/or any comments by adding comments onto the original post (see URL above). (Note: it would be interesting to see a geographic map or a temporal animation, as well as a social network map of the propagation of this meme.)

INSTRUCTIONS

To add your blog to this experiment, copy this entire posting to your blog, and then answer the questions below, substituting your own information, below, where appropriate. Other than answering the questions below, please do not alter the information, layout or format of this post in order to preserve the integrity of the data in this experiment (this will make it easier for searchers and automated bots to find and analyze the results later).

REQUIRED FIELDS (Note: Replace the answers below with your own answers)

(1) I found this experiment at URL: Pretty Purple Princess

(2) I found it via "Newsreader Software" or "Browsing the Web" or "Searching the Web" or "An E-Mail Message": Browsing the Web

(3) I posted this experiment at URL: http://neebelung.blogspot.com

(4) I posted this on date (day/month/year): 07/08/04

(5) I posted this at time (24 hour time): 19:34

(6) My posting location is (city, state, country): Jacksonville, Florida, USA

OPTIONAL SURVEY FIELDS:

(7) My blog is hosted by: www.blogger.com

(8) My age is: 32

(9) My gender is: Female

(10) My occupation is: Inside Sales Rep

(11) I use the following RSS/Atom reader software: N/A

(12) I use the following software to post to my blog: N/A

(13) I have been blogging since (day, month, year): 10/03

(14) My web browser is: IE 6.0 (work), AOL 6.0 (home) (yeah, go ahead and laugh)

(15) My operating system is: Windows NT (work), Windows 2000 (home)

Happy Hump Day

Hah, though it's been a about 2 months since I've had sex of any kind (make that 59 days... but who's counting), I've finally regained my sense of humor with regard to sexual innuendoes.

For weeks, I forbade my friends from joking about sex at all, or even from discussing their own sex lives. I think now it's been so long for me that I've forgotten what it's all about, and now look upon it merely as some distant memory.

So here it is only Wednesday, and it's been a helluva week.

Let's see.....

Sunday: spent a lovely afternoon with the girls. Met up with Sam at the Ale House, shared a few beers, then met up with Andrea and friends to see "The Notebook." OH MY GOD! I have to admit, I'm not much for chick flicks. Oh sure, a good romantic comedy is nice now and then, but the true, 2-hankie chick flicks? Nuh-uh. They do nothing for me. However, since I hadn't spent much time with the girls lately, I went along with the plan. And I'm SO glad I did.

While I don't want to give away anything of the plot, I will say that the entire theatre was BAWLING during certain scenes. The woman two seats over from me handed me a STACK of napkins to pass down the row. At times, you could hear the whole theatre sniffling in unison. Truly a beautiful story and great for an afternoon cry!

Tuesday: I had a young man (and I mean VERY young) at work express an interest in me today. Now, not that it matters, but it's still flattering to have someone let you know you've still got it. I did let him down easy, but I've also made a new friend in the process.

After work, however, my day got even MORE interesting. I have (or should say HAD) a very small tattoo on my lower back. So low, it's technically my upper-butt. Right at the base of my tailbone, I have a teensy-weensy red heart. For about two years now, I've wanted to add to it - I envisioned a small scrolling of tribal black vines beginning on either side of the heart, and coming to a point on either side. I wanted to keep it small, feminine and easy to obscure in normal clothing.

However, then I invited my friend Scott (no, not THAT Scott) from work to join me. More accurately, I begged him to go with me so I had a hand to hold as I screeched in agony. Now Scott's a freak. No other word to describe him - he's got some ink, some piercings, shaved head, goatee - the whole nine yards. Well, Scott was trying to convince me to go with something a little larger than I had initially wanted. He felt something that came up and wrapped around to the side would be better. I disagreed.

So we compromised and I wound up with a design about 8" wide, 2" high - bold, sensual black tribal scrolls, centered around the original small, red heart. It's beautiful. I absolutely love it. It's still femininine, but strong. Elegant, but powerful in it's statement. I could not be more pleased with it (except maybe if it hadn't HURT SO DAMNED MUCH!)

I'm certain I'll end up posting pics soon - once it's healed.

Wendesday: Around 11:00 a.m., one of the girls from the warehouse approached me with a cardboard box. In it, were three tiny kittens, eyes barely open, only about 3 to 4 weeks old. Their mother is a feral cat who lives in the woods behind the building, and when they had to move them (so they wouldn't get squished by a forklift) she refused to come near them.

The sucker that I am, I offered to find them all homes. But as the day wore on, and I realized how young and fragile they are, I knew that not just anyone would be able to take care of them properly.

So, I did manage to adopt one out to a woman who has had experience with abandoned, un-weaned kittens. But the other two? Well, they are presently asleep in a copier paper box in my bedroom. They're beautiful - both black, one with two small white patches on his tummy and blue eyes, the other with faint black-on-black tabby stripes, and lavender eyes. They are so small and so young, we can't even determine the gender yet (but I think the blue-eyed one is a boy, and the other, a girl).

And now my hands and upper chest are COVERED in tiny, paper-cut thin scratches. Those little guys just don't want to eat!! And they're so squirmy! But then they huddle up together in the box, and stare at you with those sad little faces. They melt your heart.

*sigh*